If there is one thing that women like to do – it is to keep counting…. I have found that women take more comfort in the length of their relationships rather than their quality.
In other words, a woman will happily brag of having been with a fellow for 5 or more years and neglect to mention the tiny detail that 3 of those years were sheer hell because the chap was an incurable skirt-chaser.
Even those whose partners have habitually mistaken them for a punching bag still pride themselves in keeping count – marking days, ticking weeks, noting months and celebrating every year that passes in their agonizing relationships.
To most women, the quality of the relationship does not matter at all – they are quite prepared to endure any abuse, swallow any cow dung and settle for being treated like a toilet seat as long as they can show off by counting the years.
To many women, the quality of the man is quite immaterial – they will put up with any riff raff of a chap, and quite happily put up with being disrespected, humiliated, ignored and neglected as long as they can still keep counting the years.
“We’ve been together for blah blah years,” you often here women say, with a trace of triumph in their voices as if what matters in a relationship is how long you can stick it out for rather than whether you’re fulfilled or not.
Women don’t care about fulfilment – they’re in relationships just to prove they can go the distance because any sensible woman who decides that a relationship has grown stale is seen as a weak, cowardly fool who chickened out and will live to rue the day she decided to go it alone!
And that is really why women put up with abuse – because they want to ‘keep counting’ even if they are heading for an early grave.
Most women are proud of being in long-term relationships; they view these accumulative years as an accomplishment, an extraordinary feat that validates them as ‘real’ women because they suffer, endure, struggle and are prepared to maim or kill themselves just so they can keep counting the years.
I find married women often suffer from this condition because they prefix every problem by reminding themselves of all the years they’ve put into the marriage and will happily stay in a deteriorating marital relationship because the number of years matter more than misery they are going through.
Many women will fight off their husbands’ ever-changing girlfriends, year in and year out, not to defend the marriage and not out of love but really out of pride – because they don’t want any woman messing up with their counting schedules.
I am no longer impressed by people who’ve been in a relationship for donkey years, neither am I particularly awed by the length of a relationship – at the back of my mind I always wonder, “but are you happy?”
It seems futile to me to do anything, to sacrifice everything, to go through so much and still remain unhappy.
I used to resonate with the sentiments of that singer who sang, “I’d rather be alone than be unhappy” because it should not be about how long you’ve been together – it should always be about being happy, being fulfilled and being safe.