…the end does not justify the means

...graduating with more than we bargained for...

I will never forget my first week at university because it proved to be such a culture shock, because on my first night on campus I found the Swinton residence for female students swarming with more men than women.

It was really unsettling to say the least because one could not go into any passage or corridor without being accosted – the hall of residence was literally overrun by testosterone saturated males of all shapes, sizes and age.

I mean there were men all over and I kept wondering if we had been placed in the correct hall of residence.

It was a season in the University calendar called the “gold rush” when men from within and without the campus descended specifically on the Swinton hall of residence to prey on the first year students.

It was said that even those who were lousy at courtship could get lucky during the gold rush.

Even now, my girlfriends and I still laugh as we reminisce on some of the creepy looking fellows who prowled the corridors carrying pizzas and offering any female in the vicinity a ‘free’ meal.

We remember too, some of the ‘respectable’ big fishes whose luxury cars littered the car park on weekends as they waited for some hapless female student to ‘need a ride to town’.

..trading the gold between our thighs for the cash in their pockets

Sex was very much a part of the university culture, co-habiting was the norm and in a way the UZ was to me for those years a microcosm of society.

Young people raised in a certain way, mirroring behaviours they had grown up seeing in their childhood and maturing into adults who would behave in the exact same way their parents or guardians had behaved and inevitably raising children who would repeat every action.

One incident that stands out to this day transpired the first week we set foot on Mount Pleasant (dubbed “mount pleasure” by students) – a female student beat her boyfriend until he lost consciousness, viciously bashing his head with a two plate stove.

She had discovered that her boyfriend had managed to ‘gold-rush’ a gullible first year student and she was not having any of it accusing the boyfriend, a fellow student, of trying to “bring AIDS” into their relationship.

Like I said it was a total culture shock, we had such a glamorous picture of what university life would be like but when we got there – it was nothing like we had imagined it would be.

Many female students did not make it to the end of their courses; they fell pregnant, got married and never came back.

Others did come back after their first pregnancies but later applied for permission to postpone their studies for another academic year because their husbands would have insisted on having another child immediately and they would be expecting their second child in as many years.

Most husbands only felt safe letting their wives continue with their education for as long as their wives were pregnant at the same time as an insurance policy that they would not be cuckolded.

In my final year I witnessed yet another phenomenon that was deeply ingrained to the university’s culture and was referred to by students and lecturers as the “PhD syndrome”.

The phd syndrome was an abbreviation of a behavioural trait prevalent among final year female students most of whom ended their studies having acquired three things – a pregnancy, a husband and a degree, the ‘perfect PhD’.

Fearing that they would be viewed as too educated to be courted and thus uncertain of their chances of getting a marriage partner outside the university community, most female students saw the phd as a way of killing three birds with one stone.

These unions were accepted by our peers, romanticized by those who had watched the various relationships flourish and flounder over the varsity years and welcomed by families who saw it all as a most convenient state of affairs.

I have never carried out a survey of how these marriages that sprung out of pre-marital sex have fared outside of the cocooned environment of the campus but I know a good number have either parted ways, become estranged or trying to juggle new relationships while dealing with the baggage of children they had in those gold rushing years.

There used to be a crude but popular sentiment among female students who noted that male students rarely married the female students they had casual sex with unless the girl in question ambushed the fellow with a ‘PhD’ entrapment stunt.

The long and short of it is that pre-marital sex should be avoided at all costs because could easily be the shortest route to a hellish marriage.

I hazard to say that it would not be too much of stretch to posit that domestic violence can be traced as easily to extra-marital sex and the unwillingness of married persons to be faithful to their spouses.

Strangely the reason why a person might find it hard to be faithful to their partner could also derive from the fact that they married someone they never intended to marry – so we go right back to pre-marital sex and its consequences.

Because when it comes to marriage, the means will never justify the ends.


17 thoughts on “…the end does not justify the means

  1. gugu says:

    There’s so many issues you touched on that you could definitely build on…the PhD syndrome is very new to me…had I known about it, I might have applied for it 😀 …but shame, it seems glamorous enough but at the end what do you really gain coz life does move on, giving you the pleasure of fully experiencing the choices you made…i like that bit about people not being able to stay faithful because they married someone they never intended to marry…i might actually build on that myself…great observation

  2. A good expose’ of what happens at UZ. We went thru this as well and yes some ladies lost their virginity while others lost their innocence.

    I agree tht premarital sex is responsible for our misery in relationships. This taste and leave attitude is a killer. Sex is a blood covenant and it is God who created it like that. There is loss and mixing of blood when two virgin souls mate. There is pain and bonding. This was meant to be the beginning of a relationship that never ends but goes through the same joy and pain. We hv violated this left right and centre much to our misery. What I know is that most relationships at UZ were based on attraction and never developed into anything from there. If we based our relationships on attraction I am sure we wld be mating like animals every second. Ours is special compared to that of animals. We love. But that is not there right now in most relationships. Most pple get the shock of their lives when this attraction dies down and they rarely do two rounds of sex with a woman they used to eat alive at night. They wld have a round evertime they woke up just at the touch of the woman’s breast. Now for the woman this is psychologically devastating as she begins to think that the she has lost her beauty. We violate the principles of God to our own disadvantage. Love is deeper

  3. tsitsi makwande masuka says:

    Lol,gold rush was something else.I remember one guy who got into our room and actually refused to leave until we threatened to call security.But true,what you talk about did happen.Its a great shame and lack of awareness on the females part.
    I left UZ with no p,a future h and the d of course.Lol!

  4. thupeyo says:

    keep it up thats gr8 stuff there

  5. Lawrence Mainja says:

    With the advent of twitter, facebook, myspace, hulu, hi5 and youtube talking of virginity as a sacred thing wont work. Remember in most colleges, even in our beloved developing nations students take themselves as the epitome of progress and change and civilization whatever that means. Because of that they end up taking whatever they get from the American TV shows as the truth and current trend. Things that are not even part of the reality in the US itself. The end result is this lustful sex, devoid of love and reason. Two much of Kanye West, Lady Gaga and Taylor Swift spoil our beloved brothers and sisters.

    If the result of this act of lust is a baby, my prayer is that the two human beings who brought it to earth must fend for it.

    On Love—- it is a mystery!

  6. bridget says:

    uni is the same where evr u are in the world. I live in Brisbane and i find cohabitaion and casual sex to be a norm. Casual sex is so brutal here thoug and girls fresh frm hme dnt get tht its a whole diffrnt set of rules here-no he is nt ur boyfriend cz u made out in the club, no dsnt remembr ur name and no he wont talk to u whn he sees u on campus! Why? because wht happens in the club stays in the club and thts just the way it is. The western world has made unfeeling and uncouth genitalia of both our men AND women and its sad, very sad

  7. praise says:

    I never expected the feminist Delta to ever ever say that premarital sex is the cause of major heartbreak in some marriages! I thought gender activists wer all abt the sexual freedom of women etc. I personally had a sheltered varsity life so this has been very enlightening. Well written

  8. VJ says:

    what an interesting read…relates pretty well to my university experience especially the ‘gold rush’ concept. I guess it’s something that happens everywhere

  9. yemu says:

    Excellent article, we need more and more young people to be aware and be on guard.Its funny that what is happening now used to happen decades ago .long before we were born, and in exactly the same manner.Why we fall prey to such things is because we always think that it cannot happen to me, not me, he loves me,not me, he will marry me, not him, he cant have AIDS,and it keeps happening ,over and over again.I hope the new generations can put an end to this vicious cycle of social evil!It begins with us, lets expose such social ills and tell it like it really is.Lets adapt to changing times with Godly unchanging principles!!!

  10. Great read – I enjoy the insight and PHD – gotta love that!

  11. Magubelo says:

    Gosh i remember those days lol…despite the rather ‘primitive’ nature of the UZ, i must say if i ever got the chance to do it all over again i definitely would. For one, the gold rush wasnt such a bad way to lose one’s ‘innocence’ either, depending on how one looks at it. I guess it all boils down to what we feel we have learnt in retrospect….i left the UZ without the P or the H, just took the D with me but all the same i have tonnes of respect for those ladies who became mothers or wives while at it. At the end of the day i dont think it really matters what we left the University with, as long we are able to say “we were there, we did it….we were USA’s!”

  12. dzulani says:

    greaty u realy knw hw to heat a nerve. hope ladies out there get this in there mind.

  13. mizraim says:

    thats great ,i.wish you go and give some lactures at UZ.THATS GOOD EXPERIANCE ,but don’t be fulled now Girl .you are the one

  14. Taffy says:

    Excellent observations you made about life at the UZ, as some one lecturer once said the clever girls dont get pregnant but the not so clever ones are the one’s who are unfortunate or is it fortunate to get pregnant,because pre marital sexis something that happens whether we like it or not. But how does a girl coerce a boy into marrying her becauses she’spregnant? I belive the one’s that attained themselves a P and a H was because the guy loved them from the beginning and were willing
    to take responsibility for their actions,and I think even up to now those marriages are flourishing, because i don’t believe and think that in this day and age people get into marriages because of an unplanned pregnancy.

  15. sihle says:

    whilst it would be noble for varsity students not to engage in premarital sex, i wonder whether it can really be done. the varsity years are the experimental years and students a finding their feet and they a trying to find out who they are. I would say that it is important for those engaging in pre marital sex to just use protection. i concur that the end does not really justify the means. a lot of women feel pressured to get married because there are systems of beliefs which perpetuate the misnomer that the highest achievement and the highest qualification is a marriage certificate. a woman can be scaling dizzy heights in her career but society will always ask’so sidla nini inyama’.

  16. Taffy says:

    to some extent i agree that the end does not justify the means ,as much as women are getting pressurised to get married, how many guys are willing to marry someone they don’t love or never intended in marrying??

  17. Sesh says:

    I totally, completely and unequivocally agree that the end does not justify the means. I am one of the few people that never wanted to go to varsity especially if it was to be away from home for the fear of falling into the same trap. This is because when we grew up there was only one thing which seemed to be synonymous with being a college student – which is pre-marital sex. It seemed as if going to college was a licence for one to finally execute all their sexual fantasies which they had inhibited for one too many years. It seemed to be a free ticket to all manners of orgies and wild behavior, a local Redlight district. this coupled with the fact that most of these people either got pregnant or infected with the deadly scourge. The result was that such graduates never lasted in the society after finishing their studies, the virulent plague soon caught up with them and sentenced them to the grave via a chronic, unsightly path of suffering. At the end of the day the parents never reaped any benefits from all their investment in their children. Their hope was cut off as these graduates or students would end up pregnant, ill or dead.

    This has not changed up to the present day, it is amazing because we would like to believe that when someone got more educated their behavior became more civilised. But alas, rather when i finally made my way to college i found out that the opposite seemed to be true. University students, that is the typical UBAs and some USAs are not humane, they act like dogs on heat and nymphomaniacs. We cant say that they have loose morals for this gives the idea that they have morals somehow, they have no morals. We now that universities have become the breeding places of this day warranting people to call one More Sex University (MSU). It is not only the male students (UBAs) which are implicated in this. The female students not to be outdone also prey on the working class otherwise known as NABAs (Non-Academic Bachelors Association), or rather the NABAs prey on the vulnerable female students. Either way the end result is that one female student may be having several NABAs at any given point all in the name of getting ice cream, chocolate, pizza and if unfortunate with a desert of HIV and an unwanted pregnancy. Although some USAs may do this in order to get money especially in this age, a substantial number of them do this to get some stupid ‘luxuries’. What pains me is that lives are lost, destinies destroyed all for present gain of some menial things which one could do without for those few final years in the hurdle. Surely the end does not justify the means because wrong means might lead to a dead end.

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