Generally, people go to great lengths to protect their interests in a relationship but I always wonder when others go to extremes just to keep their partner in check – especially since I am one person who is convinced that in the end – a person will always do what they want to do.
I mean no one can ‘police’ someone else 24/7 but that doesn’t stop other people from trying, and what an exercise in futility that is.
Especially if the endeavor to mark one’s romantic territory is done in a very annoying and brazen manner reminiscent of a dog lifting its leg to piss every few meters so that its scent can be caught from afar.
Some partners are overbearing like that, making a very huge point of “chasing off” people from your life as if they were trespassers who just happened to stray onto claimed domain without regards for how it affects your social relationships.
One friend of mine has unwittingly found herself with the full-time occupation of doing “damage control” and soothing over ruffled feathers since the new man in her life has a tendency of calling every male contact on her phone to “vet” them.
Of course, the whole exercise is deeply embarrassing for her as some of those people know her purely on professional grounds and now have cause to pry and speculate about her private life.
This otherwise sweet man, seems to get high on being a ‘super-sleuth’ always finding pretexts to call any person who sends an sms and he is quite inventive but the result is that his behavior is offending and intrusive.
I recall getting a mysterious private number call from a lady whose first words happened to be, “who am I speaking to?” – to which I responded “who did you want to speak to?”.
My intention was not to be rude but it is very irritating to have someone call you and then demand that you introduce yourself to them for the purposes of undergoing an interrogation as to whether you happen know their so and so; then try to establish what your connection with their such and such happens to be because they stumbled upon your number listed in the contacts of their this and that.
I often wonder at such fishing expeditions because I doubt very much that anyone who is cheating with someone’s so and so would volunteer that information anyway, and even if the association may be above board, it is just so annoying to get such a call because it casts you in a bad light (as someone with the potential to wreck a happy relationship).
It is never nice to learn that you’re on the suspect list for any sort of crime (even when you’re comfortable in the knowledge of your innocence) because in the first place, it casts aspersions on your character and in the second, it brings your name into disrepute.
And that is precisely what those kinds of inquiries infer – that you’ve been found suspect and the threatened individual wants to ascertain the kind of threat your pose on their relationship.
But what makes it all the more pathetic is that these individuals tend to expect the people their calling to 1) entertain their inquiries and swallow the insulting inferences being made 2) profess their innocence in a fashion that reassures the caller 3) volunteer information to prove their motives are pure 4) apologize for relating with the so and so in question as it seems to be causing problems in the relationship 5) make every conceivable effort to “clear” their name in light of the suspicions being cast on them.
Well, quite frankly I think that’s a lot to ask of other people. I mean I am not against the idea of accountability in relationships and all but I believe that the only person one should demand accountability from is their partner and not the entire world.
People don’t owe you explanations but whoever you’re with probably does and it would be quite reasonable to direct your inquiries to your partner… (who may or may not tell you the truth).
Makes me ponder though… is jealousy love upside down? Is it love at all?