We wait in vain because we hope in vain. That is the problem with hoping – we just don’t have any idea where to stop – where to just admit that it’s hopeless.
We hope in vain because sometimes we love in vain. That is problem with loving – we just love so deeply – we are blinded by emotion and fail to see that we’re wasting time that we can never reclaim.
We waste time because we’re so desperate to get what we desire that we believe the lies, the promises and the assurances despite the fact that the actions negate what the lips claim.
Recently I voiced out the opinion that a couple who had announced plans to get married after having known each other for just six months were “rushing” into marriage and should really get to know each other better before taking the plunge.
Feeling like a sage, for dispensing this morsel of wisdom; I was surprised when several male colleagues made it their business to tell me in no uncertain terms that that sort of logic doesn’t follow when it comes to deciding on a marital partner.
They shared of how they had been in long term relationships with women they later on did not marry – some going on for as long as 8 to 10 years and the families of both individuals comfortably settling into in-law relations assuming that it was just a matter of time before the relationship was formalized.
It occurred to me then, that there was a lot of truth in their observations because I know many women who have stuck it out with a guy for years and waited in vain for the fellow to pop the question.
Shifting from hope, to frustration, to anger, to desperation (and back to hoping again) – over a series of years while life passes them by as they keep vigil over a man who has no intention of marrying them.
They watch the days melt into one another, worry over their biological clocks and hang in there hoping their patience will pay off and that the years they have invested in the relationship will count for something because starting all over again is too daunting a prospect to contemplate.
So sometimes we wait in vain because we want the years we’ve invested in a person to count for something – we want it all to have been worthwhile.
Too many people just won’t cut their losses – they don’t want to be a laughing stock; they don’t want to lose the image they cultivated for years as one half of a couple.
So they wait in vain – give up on opportunities to travel, to explore, to pursue certain careers or further certain goals – academic or otherwise – because they want to stay with the one they love. They don’t want make decisions that will jeopardize the stability of the relationship because being in a stable relationship guarantees them a greater chance of getting married and so they sacrifice – sacrifice and wait in vain.
In the end I think we wait in vain because we’re afraid that we’ll be sorry if we never find someone as “wonderful” as the person we’re with. We wait because we’re convinced a bird in the hand is better than two in the bush.
We wait because we have expectations and dreams we’ve built around that individual and we’re not willing to relinquish those aspirations. No. We want it to work. We want to make it work. So we wait… and wait… and wait. But it’s all in vain.
Perhaps the problem with hope is that it is seductive, luring us into a false sense of security, enabling us to hold on to our illusions a little longer – permitting us to make our fanciful wishes appear legitimate and sapping our will to walk away.