The Hillary Example

Some years ago, the wife of an American President suffered the greatest humiliation any woman can publicly confront – her husband had had an affair, lied about it, got caught in the lie and she became, overnight, the object of pity.

Hillary Rodham Clinton: The 67th United States Secretary of State, serving in the administration of President Barack Obama.

Nothing is as devastating to any woman as learning that her husband is fooling around but I can only imagine how excruciatingly embarrassing the whole thing must have been for Hillary Clinton.

Any woman who’s been there knows what it feels like. To know that you’ve been made a fool out of is terrible but to know that other people know is unbearably humiliating.

To feel like everyone knows and to feel like they’re all laughing behind your back is mortifying enough – but think of a First Lady at the mercy of the media (especially one as liberal as the American one) and suffering the constant intrusive opinions of her society’s ‘freedom of expression’.

Everyone was saying whatever they wanted about her and talk-show hosts increased their ratings discussing Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky. And Monica Lewinsky was the most talked about woman in the world; willing to expose the whole gory affair to make a quick buck while Bill Clinton was lynched by the press and the public because he was regarded as a repeat offender while Hillary was the (constantly) wronged wife.

Comedians like Chris Rock had a field day making fun of her in his Bigger & Blacker show. I remember Chris Rock remarking that Hillary should have learned to be good in bed. He said that Hillary was to blame for her husband having an affair because she never bothered to give him oral sex.

What the fuck can Hillary do? A lot of this shit is Hillary's fault...and she needs to suffer the consequences for her actions. That's right, she's the First Lady. She's supposed to be the first one on her knees to suck his dick! - Chris Rock

My point is; Hillary Clinton became an object of pity to some, a source of amusement to others and the world’s most discussed topic overnight.

People speculated about whether she’d leave her husband; and every time she stepped out in public by his side – some people thought she was pathetic.

I don’t know what has become of Monica Lewinsky except for the string of projects she started that all kind of flopped because of her notoriety at least according to online reports on the Lewinsky Scandal.

But this article is not about Monica Lewinsky it is about the other woman. It is about Hillary Clinton and what became of her.

She survived the scandal of a husband who made a fool of her; she survived the gossip, the taunts, the shame, the humiliation and the embarrassment of it all. She survived the headlines, the sensationalism, the tabloids, the talk and the cruel insensitivity with which the matter was handled by the rest of the world.

She survived and she did her best to protect her daughter from the worst of the blow-back.

Today Hillary Clinton is one of the most powerful women in the world; and Monica is the woman who’ll only be remembered for getting on her knees to give a blowjob to a former US President and by her own admission observed, "I'm well-known for something that isn't great to be well-known for."

Wherever she is – I wager that she doesn’t hold a candle to Hillary Clinton and that if I ever had to choose the fate of either of these women – I would rather be Hillary.

I’ll tell you why.

You can never control another person’s actions – including your spouse – but you always get to decide how to react.

You can never stop someone else from sleeping with anyone they choose to – even if the person they decide to start sleeping with happens to be your husband.

Calling the mistress names, stabbing her, insulting and fighting with her is not going to make her stop sleeping with your husband (especially if she’s thoroughly enjoying it!).

Feeling sorry for yourself, drinking pills, and attempting suicide and generally giving up on your life just because someone has decided to sleep around is really dumb.

If you really want to get even with the woman who’s ‘stolen’ your husband – you should really try making a raving success of your life; I’m told that is the greatest revenge.

The truth is you will not be able to control what your husband does or who he chooses to do it with and the truth is also that you cannot stop the other woman from sleeping with him, from wanting him and from enjoying having sex with him.

You’re absolutely powerless to influence what anyone else does – accept it.

But you have the power to live your own life; to chase your own dreams and reach for the stars.

You can become the best of the best.
You can survive.
You can get through whatever pain and anguish you’re suffering.
You can grow stronger; you can learn also to be happy all by yourself.
You can live, laugh, sing, dance and celebrate life.
You can pick up the pieces and change the narrative of your life.
You can be whoever and whatever you wish to be.

Your future depends on many things, but mostly on you.

So forget the ‘Monicas’ of this world and don’t give them the satisfaction of making you become a quitter and a failure in life.

No one should have that much power over your life – not a cheating husband and certainly not the woman who’s sleeping with him.

Parting shot: Anything may be betrayed, anyone may be forgiven, but not those who lack the courage of their own greatness. ~ Ayn Rand

As a rule the person found out in a betrayal of love holds, all the same, the superior position of the two. It is the betrayed one who is humiliated. – ADA LEVERSON, Love’s Shadow


24 thoughts on “The Hillary Example

  1. Nonhlanhla Moyo says:

    I wish a lot of womem could read your post am sure it’l make a difference to their lives.

    • itsdelta says:

      Hey dear….you could share the post with everyone you know, people in your networks and let’s carry the message forward. It’s possible to change the narrative of our lives…

  2. Bonnie says:

    Powerful. I remember years ago once readin an interview done by hilary after the whole thing had subsided. She said, i REALLY wanted to have a nervous breakdown, to stay under the covers in bed and cry and wallow in self pity, BUT I JUST DIDN’T HAVE THE TIME! hers is a story i will always find inspirational. Big up hillary:-)

  3. Sharon says:

    Hadnt been here in a while but this is such a packed packed piece Del – your wisdom is generations beyond your years

    • itsdelta says:

      Coming from you Sharoe – I am absolutely bowled over!!

      Thanks so much for the vote in confidence… (now would you be so kind as to forward it to as many women as you think need to read it? Lolest…I could do with more hits)
      Love you and thanks for coming back after such a long while…please don’t stay away too long!

  4. Joseph says:

    Great piece. Shocking…esp from u. Where’s all that fury gone? I believe we can all take Hillary’s eg-men and women. It really takes courage and respect- respect for your spouse in public and sticking w him nomatter what. I believe Hillary spanked Bill behind their bedroom door and he went on his knees a million times but in public she stood by her man. Thts th mark of a true man/woman. Itself is punishment enuff to make him/her think twice if he is sensible enuff to appreciate th blessing tht he/she has. Now Hillary after all tht came out,as u rightly pointed out,a winner above both offenders. Lewinsky afetr trying to give a blow job to get to th top still failed to stay ther coz she ddnt hev th mental pedigree to kip her there. Th same happens with most small houses who try to use sex to get pple’s hubbies. At th end of th day th most sensible man gets to see th mental (if th physical may lack) beauty of his God-given woman if she is able to be strong enough tlike mrs. Clinton….nevertheless I guess sh now knows th art of giving a bj too!

    • itsdelta says:

      Lolest!!! I am mellowing with age Jose! Thanks for supporting the blog and for disagreeing so vehemently with my views and I hope we find more things to agree upon such as this perspective on Hillary.

  5. Vimbai says:

    Great piece, for sure women need to focus on living their own lives and empowering themselves rather than mellowing in sorrow and fighting the ‘other’ woman.

  6. Mercy moyo says:

    Its not every person who has the ability to forecast and look ahead instead of now.Now is..when everyone is rooting for a wife to leave a cheating husband and later when everyone is gone to back to minding their own business,(because yours distracted them from thinking about theirs)Ultimately,the choice lies with the one who’s wronged.It takes a bigger person to make a decision entirely on her own,not influenced by a blow on her pride and an opinion of others who want others to fight battles for them.Mrs Clinton did hey..despite being made a public spectacle.While most women wil be busy screaming and ranting over the other woman she was busy being a butterfly.

  7. Natasha Moyo-Marara says:

    Delta,this is mind blowing nd such an woman at any point must allow defeat,especialy in their own making a sucess of oneself is a must versus fighting.we must direct our time and energy to our development,the ‘monicas’ soon wil fal off as we make sucess of ourselves,the best threat is to be a master at al of ur quality skills and neva be provoked,it shuts them up and leaves them at the back of beyond.thx love,u rock!

  8. Loacl Drummer says:

    @ joseph: “I believe Hillary spanked Bill behind their bedroom door and he went on his knees a million times but in public she stood by her man. Thts th mark of a true man/woman.”
    Seriously? Thats the mark…? Why?
    Hillary is great for many reasons but i doubt she would agree that her ability to “stand by her man” was the most important reason…

  9. sharon says:

    All I can say is that this is powerful stuff Deh

  10. ntando says:

    Wal said. Don’t ever resort to suicide no one is worth your life. It always helps to be wise coz only a wise and powerful woman can rise above such a blow. Cry its allowed to cry but dust ur self up and try again coz life does go on,it must go on and it wil go on with or without you

  11. Fred Matsheza says:

    Well, I think Hillary made the most rational decision of her life by not divorcing this ‘love-cheat’ William Clinton. However, I think many things were at play. William Clinton was no ordinary man at that time and even now. I think, she would have suffered more..and regreted more if she had divorced William Clinton to a non-entity like Lewinsky. Lewinsky was no match for Hillary, meaning to say she was not a big threat to such an extent that she would marry William. Hillary just understood that those are some of those indiscretions of power. William cheated because ‘he could’ considering his office at that time-

    So Delta, are you saying women should ‘take back’ their husbands when they cheat?? Especially, if the husband is stinking rich and powerful?

    You say, ‘If you really want to get even with the woman who’s ‘stolen’ your husband – you should really try making a raving success of your life; I’m told that is the greatest revenge.’ I do not know if this is the right thing to do. What if you fail to become a ‘raving success’. So this means the jilted woman should wallow in self-pity and sorrow. I am not so sure about, like what is the right thing to do, but ‘taking him back’ sometimes is not the ultimate solution. In other words it shows you are desparate for the marriage to work, and you clearly and unequivocally knows that there was something lacking in me for him to find it outside marriage. And you are sleeping in the same bed everyday with that kind of person. It hurts.

    The difference with Hillary, is that William was willing to go for counselling, was willing to make the marriage work, was repentant towards what he did, and was maybe putting genuine effort to make things right. In this case, the effort was mutual and not one-sided. They had been in this marriage for a very long time, and I am sure Hillary knew her husband more than anyone else. She knew that he is not a serial womaniser. She knew that this was a one-off grave mistake. And again no woman who loves her husband, can reject and rebuff the genuine and sincere love of a husband who is willing to start again.

    Contrast this with Arnold Schwarzeneggar. The dude hid his ‘love-child’ for ten years and only admitted it because his term as Gorvenor was over anyway, and he was caught in his lies. How can you trust a man who puts public postures and work before family?? How can you trust a man who has lied for ten years, a serial lier. Maria Shriver, his wife, had no choice but to divorce him in spite of the twenty-five years in marriage. You just think someone was taking you for a fool. The guy was determined to hide his private indiscretions, whether he did this to protect his wife or else, its a story for another day.

    So there is no clear-cut solution to deal with betrayal. It all depends on your strength of judgement. Sometimes its really not worth it to do what Hillary did if the guity party shows no commitment. Its also good to go the Maria Shriver way even if the guilty profanes shows of commitment but the reality on the ground suggests something different.

    There are many women who are clinging to their marriages, hoping that one day, the husband would realise that love is at home rather than outside. But they do this at the risk of their lives, considering we are living in an era of AIDS. Usually these serial cheats/cheaters are very good at using emotional blackmail. Some women just sacrifice their happiness, well I think so.

    • itsdelta says:

      Hey! Glad you re-surfaced. I was beginning to worry about you. The point I was trying to make was NOT that Hillary is still married… in fact I have down-played the marriage part but what I wanted to highlight was that Hillary SURVIVED (the fact that her marriage survived as well is not really the crux of the message). The article is about the person Hillary and not her marriage. It is about what she went through and how she dealt with it because Fred…it doesn’t matter what other people do to you – it matters how you react to what they do.
      She could have thrown a pity-party and spent her life blaming every misfortune on the fact that she was betrayed and made a global fool of — but she didn’t. My article is about the attitude of ‘self-ownership’ – of knowing that you’re ultimately responsible for who and what you become – no matter what you’ve been through and no matter what’s been done to you.
      And yes… one should be a raving success by chasing after their dreams and refusing to quit on life. Life goes on and that’s the beauty of it – because it goes on our failures, our defeats and our misfortunes are never permanent.

  12. Mercy moyo says:

    Hi De,smetimes i thnk we exert so much pressure on ourselves tryin to live up to perfection in such an imperfect world.we only humans and we realy must desist frm havin superhuman expectations.Before we judge we must realy question d parts dat we play as wel.Imagine dis,how many women out thre a getin married d old conventional way…isnt d is d root cause of most thngs dat we complain abt?Some of us..mayb most of us do break 1 of before marriage bt i guese its instantly forgoten wen sme1 else breaks it..o mayb d other sin is less evil than being d otha woman.When we get pregnant b4 wedloc..and jump d line 2 bein marriage choice,isnt dat bein chosen by default..smeone out thre wu was not pregnant b4 u bt was in love wit d said boyfrend lost out on d race…becos its duty b4 pleasure ryt?After dat al is forgoten n we cry foul over smethng dat was set up for failure and misery as wel.i guese we al have to take a moment to evaluate our goals and wat we getin,get married d old fashioned way …

  13. monka says:

    I agree that the girlfriend/small house is without doubt to quote you noting but “a bench warmer, second best” and a little off the rail in her thinking if she indeed imagines herself any more special than the betrayed wife.

    The fact however, remains that an adult male (husband) has made a conscious decision to have two (or more) sex partners in his life – one formal and the other, well…a substitute. Also, the man has not forgotten that he has a beautiful, hardworking and probably faithful wife with whom if they are so blessed, he has children.

    That out of the way, what is my sadness about? I will tell you of two particular true and current experiences.

    A beautiful and aptly named Christian woman, Mary died two weeks ago. She died from AIDS related complications. She was 38. Each time she discovered her husband’s infidelities spanning over 16 years of marriage, she grew stronger in her faith and prayed harder with each new girlfriend and new location – each time her husband humiliated the family, they would move to a different country or different town. Mary was a good woman and helped a lot of women but there was one belief i did not share with her – the belief that no matter what happens, or how many times your husband cheats and all indications are that he is probably not using protection or refuses to go for an HIV test upon discovery – you hang on and safeguard your marriage and spit in the mistresses’ face.

    The Hilary example is a fine one but does the basic African woman have the resources and the power to do what she did? Or should my question be, do we have the power to do what Hilary probably did behind closed doors to give her the power to come out in public with Bill looking sheepish and obliging? Here is what i imagine Hillary did to Bill before she CHOSE to stand by him.
    1. Asked him if at any one point he had sex without condoms with Monica even if he told the press she only went down on him
    2. Accompanied him to the White House sick-bay while he had an HIV / AIDS test at her insistence
    3. Clearly tabulated what he stood to lose financially if he did not agree to a, b, c of her demands – one of which was that she intended to run for the presidency and did not choose to do so as a divorced woman as this would not win her the vote of a large chunk of the American voter who puts family values first.

    Believe me, it takes a ball breaking type of woman to do what Hillary did and a large percentage of our Zimbabwean women are yet to get there. Or, I could be wrong.

    But, if we ARE strong married women who know what is rightfully ours, why is our fight with the small house and not the husband? We spend time and money denigrating the small house and finding excuses for the man.

    Delta can you let us know if at any point Hillary confronted Monica and if so did she pour hot water on her or shout obscenities in public or better still, dump Chelsea at Monica’s doorstep?

    My simple point here is that as married women, our attention and action should be directed at US. We have agreed that we can not control what a grown man chooses to do and with whom he chooses to do it with and how he does it.

    Mary left behind three children. May God be with her.

    My second sad experience is a very close friend of mine whom I met at University and who always told me I was too “strict” with my life and laughed at me for having no one during my time at college.

    She had had her three children when she became unwell and she told me she “just knew” she had AIDS before she was formally tested because her husband had had many girlfriends throughout their marriage and numerous times she was treated for STI’s but still, she had felt it was her duty to stick with her husband because “those other women are just girlfriends”

    Her husband is now late and she is the sole provider for her children and her prayer is to be around until her last born finishes college. The extended family is not really interested – what with the economic hardships.

    This makes me weary. If the small house is in an “affair” and is not of much value and under some serious delusion about her importance, what then is the wife in the “relationship” with the cheating husband who will come home and infect her? How much are you valued as a faithful hardworking wife? As things stand in Zimbabwe, the small house has the power to insist on condoms in comparison to the wife. The small house – bench warmer that she is, however knows she might not be the only extra in the sorry man’s life and quite frankly, she has nothing to lose.

  14. Mercy moyo says:

    I do believe our values are warped..too quick 2 blame bt slow to do a little soul searching.Is marriage realy what it was or like everythng else..dynamic.In a world we thez d advent of open marriages,swingers couples,and GOD knws wat else wu a we realy to blame?How cn marriage b sanctified wen its vry foundations are shaky as it is.I’ve seen so many frends thrown at d deep end of d pul to eitha sink or swim..most of u,d man wu impregnants us isnt necesarily d man we want 2 marry,choices get limited as it were.Culture demands dat we get married whether we want to o nt.When dat hapens,wat guarantee is thre dat u truly meant to be,or sme1 is bound by duty to marry in a situation like dat.Of cos its easy to blame d otha woman only if d moto is how u get thre is nt important bt dat u get thre.Is every1 realy blameles for moral decay except 4 those dat dare destroy wat GOD has joined together.I Luk at myself,i realise im nt perfect,bt i cnt n i wnt blame my woes on sme1 else.

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