When we were virgins…


I have neglected the blog for a while and I apologize for so abrupt a departure without even the courtesy of an explanation. And my return to my cyber-home should be announced by a thought-provoking, scintillating and intellectually titillating piece (I think) but I will do no such thing. Instead, I just want to take a step back from the intensity of thought and poke some fun at life, my self and the naivety of youth. I am one of those people who suffer from the affliction of learning best by viewing life through the lens of hindsight…

When we were virgins, we were curious about sex; particularly confounded by how such a small ‘hole’ could possibly fit that big swollen thing?

And it never made sense how such an ugly looking ‘thing’ (seen from the awkward squint of a strategically angled mirror) could have such a mesmerizing effect on men in the first place?

When we were virgins, we were curious about sex; about what it felt like to do ‘it’ and how there could possibly be anything comfortable about having someone lie on top of you for any length of time?

When we were virgins, we hastily washed our private parts making sure that our fingers did not unnecessarily linger to explore those inconspicuous folds of skin.

We did wonder why they were stashed so surreptitiously between our legs that they could not be clearly viewed – cementing the feeling of shame that was associated with owning that sort of genitalia.

...who controls who?

When we were virgins we did not know that men could summon tears at a whim, cry out in exaggerated agony over an erection while insisting the pain of arousal was so excruciating that we had to ‘relieve’ them because we had been the cause of their discomfiture.

When we were virgins, we knew a lot about sex… gladly brandishing our hand-me-down; second-hand information like treasure troves only to find that the reality distorted these embroidered tales of sexual narratives.

When we were virgins, we envied those who’d gone ‘all the way’ – who bragged about mysterious aches and pains; about the intoxicating feeling of power they derived from refusing with ‘it’ only to surrender ‘it’.

When we were virgins we marveled at the tales of those who were ‘experienced’; who spoke of watching the egos of men ostensibly breakdown begging for ‘just a taste’ of their hidden treasures – never knowing it was all just a ploy to turn their hymens into spoils of sexual conquest.

When we were virgins we thought we’d wait until marriage; give to our husbands what we’d give to no other but the noble resolves often succumbed to the unparalleled powers of male persuasion employed by those who seemed to inevitably know the ‘right’ thing to say – the promise of a ring being to us the guarantee of it.

When we were virgins, we sometimes felt burdened by the status but we were raised to regard it as an incomparable privilege; even though it was like having a constant mark on our backs making us seem like targets for every testosterone-filled male that sensed ‘prey’ and moved in for the kill.

When we lost our virginity – for the wrong reasons or for the right ones – we crossed the Rubicon; becoming women without knowing what we were getting ourselves into and trading the innocence of girlhood for the turbulence of adulthood.

We were virgins once… and free (or did we just have the illusion of liberty?)

Writer’s Note: I don’t really know what triggered this post – perhaps the self-deprecatory humor I entertain whenever I see my youthful naivety reflected in the untainted countenances of my young sisters or perhaps it’s provoked by the sadness of knowing we can never spare our little sisters the pain of being deceived, lied to, used and eventually discovering the disillusionment we call womanhood (or has cynicism gotten the better of me?)

17 thoughts on “When we were virgins…

  1. Sam Sifelani says:

    Interesting piece! Very interesting.

  2. Stash says:

    First of all, you are forgiven for neglecting us, your readers, lol. This would naturally come easily from a fellow blogger also guilty of ‘neglect’. Secondly, you dont need an excuse to write anything – I like that you point out some of the circumstances so many of us encountered at the point when we finally lost what we had brandished as pure gold for so long. Many a times, our sisters lose it too soon, but when is the right time? I like that this blog has raised for me the question of the importance of educating our young girls about their sexuality. A lot of parents live in denial, but their daughters are crossing the boundary between curiosity and experimentation. I particularly like, how you pointed out that the deception of “men summoning tears at a whim, crying out in exaggerated agony over an erection while insisting the pain of arousal was so excruciating that we had to ‘relieve’ them” – the oldest trick in the book that I am sure many a young girl has been exposed to, or lost to.

    Stash

    • itsdelta says:

      To be quite honest; I only discovered that an erection does NOT actually hurt at all a few years ago!!!! Lolest!!!! But I had heard so many times that guys can’t help it when they get that ‘bulge’ in their pants and that it really really really hurts!!
      Now I can look back and wish I could remember which individual/s was the source of such gross disinformation!!

  3. sharon says:

    Ya De. You have killed me ho-o. This was worth the wait my friend. Not only when we were virgins but also when we were ignorant. Great stuff my friend.

  4. Phillip says:

    Well, well, well…This is very interesting Delta. It’s such a novel idea and how you blended the serious issues with humour is very creative. I was just wondering if you could come up with Part 2, perhaps something like ‘Now that we are no longer virgins’. Lol.

  5. I have never laughed so hard. It rings so true. Love this! It is a post that has surely made my day. Humour humour.

  6. I had a good laugh. THank you so much. Was wondering when you were going to write again. Rabison

  7. Phineas says:

    iPikitsha manje, lol.

    Interestingly some even refer to ‘it’ as inyoni (bird), if you let it out it flies away for good and you won’t catch it again. Thanks for your creative writing, I’m always waiting for the next post each time.

  8. Vongai says:

    Great piece Delta, always reflective and inspiring. We cant wait for part 2

  9. rodtharis says:

    Lovely piece Delta. I enjoyed it. Rodwell

  10. madubesbrainpot says:

    And for us who are still virgins and do have some of these ideas still in our heads, all I can say is thanks for shedding the light dear. I must admit though I still remain confused about what being one means at the end of the day.

  11. mpumzo says:

    I can’t think about this topic without crying. Nevertheless, I appreciate how tackled it in this article: with honesty, wit and delicacy.

  12. Densua says:

    Reminds me why I love reading your blog.🙂

  13. pfimbiyangu says:

    i like!u left out the thnking whoever we gave ‘it’ up for would luv us 4eva and the sorrow that cem frm realising that 1st sex works no magic that aint already there.wish girls would learn that sooner

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