Conversations I have…


I have realized that sometimes, I order my thoughts best during random conversations with people. One such conversation took place a few days ago from a guy I vaguely know as a regular contributor to my weekly column in the Sunday News. We don’t converse often and he just stumbled into me on Google-chat. He was in the mood to pick my brain and the conversation went like this:

7:08AM fuzaneb: hi D, always been a breath of fresh air when it comes to your outlook on life, but ha, sometimes i find yu kinda too radical, militant and plain bullish!

7:09 AM me: I am only that way just to demonstrate that I am dead serious about some issues and once that message gets across…I relax and chill

7:11 AM fuzaneb: which makes a politician of sorts out of you?

7:16 AM me: lol, I wouldn’t say that

7:20 AM fuzaneb: ha ha ha, there is a coward in you too – just pulling your leg. i often see a Margaret Dongo in yu though – remember her? out of interest, does the word loyalty exist in yo vocab?

7:21 AM me: loyalty?

7:21 AM fuzaneb: yep loyalty, control, conformity,subordination …. that kinda stuff

7:21 AM me: oh.
7:22 AM I would not put loyalty in the same bracket as subordination
7:23 AM Loyalty, like submission is an act of the will….it cannot be forced on someone

7:25 AM fuzaneb: there yu go nw D, raving philosophical – i can tell yu already activating yo defences – relax bo

7:25 AM me: Submission is voluntary, subordination is not
you just flicked a switch in my head, lol

7:25 AM fuzaneb: ok, how about control?

(5 minutes later)

7:31 AM me: what about it?

7:32 AM fuzaneb: your thoughts on it, being the damsel who insist on 152.78% freedom?

7:34 AM me: It depends on what you mean by control exactly. Do you mean power relations in relationships? Control over resources or control over persons?
7:35 AM me: Or control over self?
7:35 AM me: To me freedom is control over self….whether the self is packaged in a male body or a female one….as long as that person can claim to have control over them-selves – they are free

7:36 AM fuzaneb: wow, love the diversity and depth of your perspective. I mean it in the parochial sense of power dynamicss in relationships

7:37 AM me: you were not particularly specific….lol
power dynamics in relationships are inevitable but the manner in which they manifest is often what I may take issue with

If they manifest as physical or emotional abuse, economic deprivation or any other negative and harmful violation of another person’s dignity – I resent those manifestations of control


7:39 AM fuzaneb: so, if yu cant give up at least partial control over self, how do yu build bridges with the other person. aint compromise imperative there?

7:43 AM me: Of course you can give up “at least partial control over self” (as you put it) because if you own your self, you get to do with yourself as you please….including giving yourself – whole or half – to another

7:44 AM fuzaneb: WOW, I LOVE THAT – think this enigma packaged as Delta is getting more and more unravelled in a positive way. have always held this stereotype of a completely intransigent, riotous Delta, if yu get ma point

(9 minutes later)

7:53 AM fuzaneb: nice chatting with yu D, may yo star continue to shine hey. remember to start looking outside the window too phela (males) rather than always looking at yo mirror (women). that for me should widen and balance your perspectives and debunk a number of unwitting stereotypes and myths about us

7:54 AM me: thanks…sorry I am multi-tasking

fuzaneb: fine then, catch yu some other tym – wat’s on the menu this Sunday?

7:56 AM me: Havent decided yet….something on marriage though

7:56 AM fuzaneb: look forward to that, bye

And I wonder; what is your take on freedom? What does it mean to be free? What does control mean to you and how should loyalty be defined, expressed or manifested? This conversation got my thoughts churning….now I ask your indulgence – what are YOUR thoughts on these things? (Now I know most of you ABSOLUTELY hate leaving comments, and I respect that choice; I just hope this one time you’ll make an exception). Could you please have this conversation with me?

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6 thoughts on “Conversations I have…

  1. Koga says:

    I am of the opinion that we all hear and speak by approximation because meanings are not in words but in people. Therefore i do hereby engage in this discourse at the risk of being misunderstood. My submission is that true freedom and true empowerment is spiritual. I am a spirit, i live in a body and i possess a soul, this approximation to a human being is very close, at least a viable working model. The intricacy of the unity of the above mentioned entities remain a mystery to many, however this is not our focus right now.

    We as human are born into a household of obedience to rules and legalistic commands, born as slaves rather than masters- that’s bondage. That’s freedom defined in reverse.

    However deep inside of us there is always the desire to instruct rather than be instructed, to disobey orders and to be fully in control instead of being controlled-that realised is freedom. The former is fleshly and the latter is spiritual.

    We were born for the latter, to call into existence, to create, to have dominion, to shape our present and future and re shape it again….Free to choose and to refrain from choosing. To have no bounds is freedom. To give ourselves in freedom is freedom.

    To release our spirits in this manner and without subtlety of the flesh creeping in calls for the work of the cross. Only the Spirit of God can release our spirits full without blemish. That is way Jesus is the answer for the world today.

    Revolutions and freedoms that have been fought for world over are a prototype of the real internal freedom that’s meant to determine external running of things.

    True freedom is spiritual in essence and takes whatever form it chooses on the outside- at times it chooses to be subordinated- free to be oppressed even!

    • itsdelta says:

      Wow!!! Yeah, you kinda lost me there….lolest! Very convoluted way of explaining your idea but I do agree with how the pursuit for freedom is essentially a spiritual quest more than anything else.
      And you’re right sometimes we’re most free when we have rules, regulations and boundaries set – to protect ourselves from ourselves; because more often than not – we are our own worst enemies!

  2. Koga says:

    Thanks for your postings, you have no idea how you captivate me by them! Am glad if what i wrote meant something to you. When our freedom starts to infringe on the freedom of others then then the law steps in. That should be the spirit of the letter of the law but alas some laws have the propensity of assuming that we were made for the law and not the law for us. That’s a sadness. A tragedy of huge proportions! .

  3. Praise says:

    I really like what you said about freedom being control and ownership of self. That kinda explains it fully I think. The problem I have with freedom is that it is used interchangeably with rights. Especially human rights issues. Sometimes the two get muddled up because in pursuit of freedom through human rights issues we tend to infringe on somebody else’s freedom. Hence the need for laws. I am be free to be a small house as it is my human right to associate freely with whomever I want but that freedom destroys the sanctity of marriage. This makes me think of homosexuality (note not homosexuals-the person but homosexuality-the sinful act). Should they be allowed to freely practise their sexuality? Is it still freedom when they greatly offend the sensibilities of a majority of zimabweans. It is also a fact that cases of homophobic instances in South Africa rose when homosexuality became legal. Is it still freedom in light of this trend to grant homosexuals a freedom that will make them susceptible to corrective rapes and murders? Freedom is too broad a term and one individual can be free whereas another can be imprisoned by that freedom.

  4. Samsez says:

    Delta, think ur an optimist masquerading as a cynic/skeptic. Ur incite is droll though. Good luck 🙂

  5. Samsez says:

    Delta, think ur an optimist masquerading as a cynic/skeptic. Ur insight is droll though. Good luck

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