Not now, not yet and maybe – not ever

With all due respect Mr Cupid - you should consider retiring if you can't aim straight... or try taking a refresher course and just stop hitting the wrong targets!

I want to know why I love you; so that I can find the eject button and flush you out of my system.

I want to know how you crawled under my skin so that I can find the tear and extract you.

I want to know when I fell for you so that I can replay the sequence of events in my mind and find a different ending to the narrative.

I want to know why you matter so I can reason you out of my affections; using logic to drive out sentiment.

I wish I knew you better so that I could have things to hate about you.

Like maybe if you always leave the toilet seat up – I could hate that about you. Or maybe if you snore in your sleep – I could learn to loathe you for it.

I just need to know one thing about you that I can hate. I would latch onto it, make it a fixation and use it to obscure whatever qualities that attract me to you.

I want to know why it’s you and not someone else?

What qualified you to be the recipient of my affection and why are you such a frequent pedestrian in the corridors of my mind?

The things I know about you wouldn’t fill a restaurant napkin and yet here you are; nestling nicely in my heart without my consent.

How did you get here?

Which room in my heart did I leave ajar, for you to stroll right in and make yourself at home?

I want to un-love you but first I must figure out how I came to love you.

I want to reverse it – this feeling I have.

I want to grab cupid’s arrow, yank it out of my chest, tell him to keep his aim straight next time and then break the stupid arrow to pieces!

I guess what I mean to say is you’re not the one.

And I know you’re not the one because I can’t be the one.

Not now, not yet and maybe – not ever.

Dear Cupid, I don't want to tell you how to do your job but next time make sure you keep your aim straight and spare me the grief...


6 thoughts on “Not now, not yet and maybe – not ever

  1. Yes! Great post. Cupid better listen!

    Peace, Jen

  2. …i guess that is wat love does to us all,u love somebody very deeply and the next moment u cant stand the sight of them,pregnant women blame it on hormones,old women say that is the nature of love,but surely God did not mean for love to be filled with pain,but then wat about the birthing pain,which leads to a great love bond between mother and child.Maybe we are guilty of over analysing love,we have watched too many romantic movies and read too many a Mills and Boon…or maybe we confuse sex with love and vice versa.U see wen we fall in love with our partners,its normally for very small things,things that actually count for nothing in the long run,we are attracted by the way somebody smiles,carry themselves,a lovely butt,boobs,money,education,wealth,some say ‘he/she makes me laugh!’. Is that enough for a life long loving relationship,i wonder.Maybe some professor somewhere shud consider opening a new department at university,and call it the faculty of love, carry out proper research on this painful and confusing issue and then maybe,just maybe we might get some answers.

  3. Loves hangover.kinda jealous because you still feel.I dnt knw how i got here,maybe i do,but i woke up one morning and i didnt feel shit..I guess being trampled on a couple of times blurred the lines between love and hate.Loves a beautiful feeling.Embrace it..Love is loves own choice and you the instrument….

  4. rosebell says:

    Delta darlin, why r u writing down my feelings like we token about it this? Exactly how i feel 🙂 always inspiring me. xoxo

  5. H .EB Dube says:

    You are a really God given writter naSimpiwe, things you write about are all touching ,things we see around us in daily basis………………..Keep it up Little Sis…

  6. sarah says:

    delta, this feels like smbdy is reciting a poem n my hat being the source of it

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