We’re just a bunch of ‘tryers’


My close friends and I congregate around whatsapp messaging quite often because most of them live out of the country so keeping tabs on one another is an endeavor requiring more effort than before.

Over the years, I have noticed that the texture of our conversations have changed and without realizing it – adulthood crept up on us.

...if we've survived the drama of the last decade, we'll survive whatever the next decade throws at us!

…if we’ve survived the drama of the last decade, we’ll survive whatever the next decade throws at us!


The carefree years of high school life (where the biggest problem was which love proposal to accept or reject) made way for bigger dilemmas involving whether to accept and live with the fact that our husbands have mistresses or simply pack up and get out of the stagnation caused by interminable love triangles.

We have chosen different paths, prioritized different things and now with the age of 30 looming ahead of us – we are all taking stock of what we did with the last decade of our lives and grappling with whether or not we made the right choices.

All I have been able to ascertain as I have reflected on where the years have gone and on what we did with our lives in that time frame is that we did with our lives the only thing anyone can do – we tried.

All of us tried.

Whether we failed or succeeded, at least we gave it all a shot and for better or worse the choices we made over the years have brought each one of us to where we are today.

We are just a bunch of tryers.

We have tried to follow our hearts, and where we lacked the courage to do so, we have followed the expectations of others.

We have rebelled against our families in the name of love, shacking up with men who never paid any bride price but went on to impregnate other women while we waited on them to go meet with our elders and set things right.

We have wasted years deserting our spouses only to reconcile with them before changing our minds and calling it quits or we have spent the years following our men across the globe – trying to make the reality of marriage and relationships tally with what we once fantasized it to be.

We have held on longer than we should and sometimes we have let go too soon but in all those things – we have tried.

We have made mistakes in some things and we have learnt from them but the older we grow the more afraid we are of making the wrong choices because it seems as though our chances of rectifying them become more limited with each passing year.

As we get to 30 we start to think, ‘if I don’t do this degree now, I might never get round to doing it at all’ or ‘if I don’t accept this marriage proposal now, I might never find someone else’ or ‘if I don’t have a child now, I might struggle having one later’.

It feels as though the clock ran out on us and suddenly we’re just trying to catch up with all the things we thought we’d have done and accomplished at 30.

Whether we choose our careers ahead of our love-life or chose love and familial duty over careers – we get to stop in our tracks now and check if the gamble paid of.

I may not be certain as to what the next decade of our lives will hold but all we can do is what we have been doing all along – all we can do is try.

Try to make the right choices and where we fail, we simply dust ourselves up and try again.

We will try to love the right people for the right reasons and at the right time and in the right way – and where we fail we will bruise our souls, break our hearts and grieve our spirits on our way to getting over them.

We will make tough choices and sacrifices concerning whether we will leave or stay; fight or reconcile; hold grudges or forgive.

We will just try to do the best we can with what we have wherever we will be. No more, no less. So to my girls…here’s to another decade of trying.

7 thoughts on “We’re just a bunch of ‘tryers’

  1. bloggomobi says:

    Darn it Delta this is a great post! Should have written it myself! As a guy approaching 30 l find myself asking similar questions….my conteplation is along the lines of….Should l have taken this path in life, was l too wreck-less in my youth – alcohol, girls, gold!, did l miss the opportunities l should have seized, did l waste the one’s l grasped, did l hurt the one’s l should have loved, did l confuse infatuation with love….where did my strength go? Where did l lose the plot….what happened to the dreams l had of conquering the world, the energy, the confidence, the positive attitude! What happened to that girl, that one, l tore her heart into pieces….did she ever heal….did l heal….can l forgive myself!
    Will my children make the same mistakes l did…..l’m wondering am l having a pre-mid life crisis here! Gosh l’m getting old….when did this all happen….all these responsibilities, expectations…l need some coffee!!!

  2. And is 30 just not looking scary and approaching very very fast? haibo, that age is just bringing dread in me…… but bring it on. I am relishing challenges this year

  3. nobbysays says:

    I can so relate to this piece, I had my expectations. I was supposed to have been married at the age of 25, had at least 2 kids @ 27. I am 5months away to reaching 30 and I have neither of what I had planned. I look back and wonder wat or where I went wrong and realize that you don’t just plan the course to take in life it just happens- for me at list that’s my story.

  4. Christine K Nyathi says:

    This is not just great but inspiring and so courageous. I will be turning 30 in 3 years to come, but when l look back where am coming from, l feel like l havent achieved anything.The mistakes and achievements l have made in life. I feel like there are more mistakes than achievements and sometimes l wonder, whether its the parential courage l lacked or l was just too reckless to stand my ground?. I have just realised that most of the decisions l made where influenced by other pple and not myself. Your article just made me realise that unless u stand up and make decisions for yoself, you cant make it in life.

  5. Its such a relief to find out that you are not the only one having this pre-mid life crisis or asking the questions, “where did the time go,” and “where was I and what was I doing as it went,” and perhaps for me the greatest question of all “can I still find her; that woman whom I thought I’d be in 10 years, 10 years ago; is there still hope for her or is it too late?”

  6. Lindy Lee says:

    Life is but a short expanse of good luck & bad luck, going through it for the most part feeling like a teenager & thinking it will last forever, then waking up one day & realizing there’s not much time left at all…

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